Civilian School Blues
by Lucillia
Summary: During his training trip with Jiraiya, Naruto is hired to undertake a special mission for Konoha. A mission he would have rather done without, especially since he would be stuck posing as a girl the entire time. Fortunately, or perhaps Unfortunately, he wasn't the only one hired to protect his client's daughter's virtue, and he's stuck with a "sister" he'd rather not have.
1. New Uniforms

Naruto sighed as he checked himself in the mirror. Due to some legal bullshit, he had to take a couple missions for Konoha during his training trip in order to not be considered a missing-nin. He just wished that he'd been given some mission other than this one which had to be Tsunade Baa-chan's idea of a joke or possibly revenge for every time he called her Baa-chan, any other mission. He would have to get used to the outfit however, since he'd be wearing it for three months.

Scowling at his reflection, he turned away from the mirror.

Naruko-chan then plastered a smile on her carefully powdered face and left the dressing room in her new uniform. By this time tomorrow, she would be a student at Fire Country's premier all girls boarding school where she was supposed to look out for her client Hazuki Kimiko and make sure nothing happened to her until her wedding at the end of the school year.

"Hold still a sec Naru- Naruko, I need to get a picture for your I.D." Jiraiya said as she made her way into the store proper, wending her way through the racks of uniforms that belonged to the various private schools that were located in and around the Fire Country capitol.

Based on the lecherous look on the man's face, that wasn't all he was trying to get a picture for. There were times when he had absolutely no idea as to why he put up with the pervert.

* * *

In a rather well-appointed office in the Fire Country capitol, a minor nobleman sat at his desk perusing the missive that had just arrived. Konoha had answered his request, and the ninja he'd hired would be arriving soon. That ninja wouldn't be the only ninja taking on this mission, nor the best however, just the more obvious and therefore the one his enemies would be working to get around without realizing there was a better and stronger opponent waiting in the wings.

With Konoha being a bit weak at the moment, he had decided to hedge his bets. His daughter's marriage to a member, albeit a somewhat distant member, of the Daimyo's family was the best deal he had ever made, and nothing could go wrong with it. That's why he'd hired a member of an organization that hired out S-class ninjas at bargain basement prices as well as the Konoha nin.

Minutes earlier, before he'd recieved notice from Konoha, he'd received word that his ringer would be arriving shortly.

* * *

In an inn near the border of Fire Country, Deidara scowled into the mirror one last time as he finished fixing his hair into something approximating the style it would be kept in for the next three months, which wasn't all that pretty despite his best attempts seeing as his hair was still in that in-between stage it tended to be in when he was in the process of groiwng it out again. After smashing said mirror, he went into the other room and modeled his partner Sasori's latest creation, glad that it was just the two of them. It was bad enough that he was the youngest and newest recruit in the Akatsuki and was therefore stuck with the sucky tasks as some sort of hazing ritual, but he wouldn't be able to live it down if the others could see him now.

The only reason he commanded any respect at all in the Akatsuki was because he had the bodies to prove that he was S-Class like the rest of them, if only just. That respect would all fly out the window the instant they started mentally associating "little Deidara" with the skirt he was currently being forced to wear due to the strictures of his assignment.

"You don't need to make any more alterations, it looks fine un." Deidara said as he spun on the spot, displaying his new uniform which looked just like dozens of other uniforms belonging to the students of a particular school but had been subtly tailored to give him a more feminine appearance, especially when the rest of his disguise was put in place.

Two days from now, he would be enrolled in Fire Country's premier boarding school for girls, where he would be protecting one Hazuki Kimiko aged 16 until it was time for her wedding. Apparently, someone had threatened to pop her cherry or something along those lines, and her dad needed it intact for the big day.

"The skirt should be shortened another half inch." Sasori said after a few minutes of deliberation.

Screaming in frustration since they'd been at this for days and Sasori always found some new alteration that needed to be made, Deidara tore off the uniform and went to get his clay pouch. A half inch? A half inch? He'd show Sasori-danna a half inch!

**Edited 4/28/13**


	2. The School

Uzumaki "Naruko" sighed as she was led on a tour around the school that he er, she had been enrolled in. He - she - just knew this assignment was going to suck, especially since she had thought she'd seen the back of hi- her school days over a year ago. He, um, she was nearly fourteen years old, had left school at the age of twelve at the absolute bottom of his, her class, and was now expected to pass him- herself off as a student in his, er, her, senior year of civilian schooling which was almost nothing like the Academy. Not only was he, she, she dammit expected to pass himself, herself off as a high-school senior, he, she was expected to pass, er, herself off as a female high-school senior.

This would be difficult despite his new variant of the Sexy Jutsu which was being held up 24/7 by a seal only Ero-senin could remove after the mission was over, as he hadn't had to try to pass himself off as a woman for more than five minutes at a time before, and had no idea as to how to do so now. His only real role model in that area besides the girls that used to follow Sasuke around at the Academy was Sakura-chan, and there was no Sasuke around to constantly harass, and no other him around for her to hit, so he, she had no idea what else he, er she should be doing. He, er she, figured that the first thing he should do to pass himself, er, herself off as a woman would be to quit thinking of and referring to herself in the masculine. This would be difficult as well however, as he, she had nearly fourteen years of ingrained habit to overcome in order to do so. The second thing she needed to do was watch the other girls so he, she, would know how to act like one for more than the five seconds it takes to seduce a ninja and cause them to fly off under the power of their massive nosebleeds before passing out without letting them know he was watching and trying to copy them. As he, she, said before, tricky as hell.

All too soon, the tour of the school campus which was bordered by high walls that would be easily scalable for a ninja but difficult for a civilian to get over - especially considering the spikes that decorated the tops of them - was over and she was guided to her first new class. Fortunately, she wouldn't have to memorize a class schedule as well as the complicated layout of the school grounds since she would be sharing all of her classes with her client's daughter who was a senior at the school, as well as be sharing a room with her. Seeing as he wasn't a pervert, sharing a room with a girl in a dorm full of the same wasn't going to be fun no matter what Ero-senin had sto say on the subject.

Upon entering the classroom where her first class was with her guide who'd pretty much rushed hi- her around campus barely letting her get a look at anything, she had been instructed to to introduce herself.

"My name is Uzumaki Naru- Naruko!" she said cheerfully, and slightly nervously as she looked out over the room which contained twenty rather bored looking young women while she gave a somewhat modified version of her introduction speech from when she had introduced herself to her Genin team. "My favorite food is ramen! I like it when Iruka-sensei takes me out for ramen! I don't like the three minute wait for my ramen to be ready, traitors, and mean people. My hobbies are gardening and...gardening. My dream is to become Ho- become the greatest gardener ever!"

"That's...very interesting." the History teacher whose expression was decidedly nonplussed said. "Your seat for the rest of the year will be next to Hazuki Kimiko. She's in the second row."

Glad that he - she'd been given a picture earlier, and knew what Kimiko looked like, she sat down in the middle of the row between the brown haired and green-eyed girl with the heart-shaped face and a classmate who had black hair and dark brown eyes who looked a bit like a female version of Sasuke. It was at that point that the class started, and he promptly tuned out the teacher who looked to be as old as Ero-senin and Tsunade-baachan. The rather short man had watery blue eyes and a particularly bad looking red comb-over on his nearly bald head which was made more interesting by the fact that the man's hair was as naturally curly as his former Academy classmate Kasumi's had been, turning his bad comb-over into a slightly bizarre looking and rather short, half-afro. The poor man would have been better off if he'd just shaved his head altogether.

"And then, the Daimyo granted...Uzumaki are you even listening?" The teacher said as he continued his lecture which was being raptly attended to by the rest of the class, forgoing the chalk that Iruka-sensei would have tossed several minutes ago if he'd been the one who was giving the lesson.

"Huh, did you say something?" Naruko asked, coming out of his - her musings over whether or not the cafeteria had ramen available for lunch, and how well it would compare to Ichiraku's.

"I was talking about the history of Konoha. Everyone wants to hear about Konoha." the teacher who was probably yet another Ninja fanboy practically whined.

"I already know about the history of Konoha." Naruko said. "It got founded by the First Hokage and some Uchiha guy. They got into some fight at the Valley of the End, and the Hokage curb-stomped the Uchiha guy."

The teacher blinked, pinched the bridge of his nose, and sighed.

"And this is why I hate teaching people from Konoha." he muttered, shaking his head. "The ignorance of their own history is simply astounding."

* * *

In another part of the Fire Country Capitol, Deidara stood in front of the desk in his client's office in his usual Akatsuki attire. He wasn't putting on that school uniform or the make-up that was part of the disguise an instant earlier than he absolutely had to.

"To make things easier for myself, and in order to have less paperwork to forge in order to enrol you, I registered you as the twin sister of the other ninja I hired to protect my daughter." the client whom Deidara was under the impression was a complete moron said. "It is rather fortunate that the both of you are blonds with blue eyes."

"Hold on! You didn't say anything about hiring another ninja!" Deidara yelled.

This was why he hated bodyguard missions. The client always left things out, such as the actual strength of the opponent the ninja would be facing, or exactly how determined people were to kill said client. You lost a lot of good ninja that way.

"Here is the information on your new identity and a photograph of the ninja you'll be working with." the client said as he slid a picture across his desk.

Barely restraining himself from killing the client since his boss would more than likely kill him if he did so, he picked up the documents and the photograph. Hot damn! That Kunoichi had to be hotter than half of the women who populated his teen-age fantasies combined. Deciding to save the picture for later, he put the photograph at the back of the pile and started on the summary of who he was supposed to be. Apparently, he was supposed to be someone named Uzumaki Narumi, twin sister to Uzumaki Naruko, both of whom were the same age he actually was, seventeen.

The name Uzumaki was familiar to him, but he couldn't remember why at the moment, possibly something to do with a mission briefing he'd only half payed attention to. Deciding to shelve the problem for later in order to mentally prepare himself for what was sure to be the most humiliating experience he'd ever had to suffer through, and that included the time the Tsuchikage's granddaughter Kurotsuchi had decided to do his hair when they were kids, he bid his client a terse farewell and left in order to prepare.

**Edited 4/28/13.**


	3. Lunch and Deidara's Arrival

Naruko sighed as she sat down at a table with her tray. Ramen had not been on the menu as she'd been hoping it would be, therefore she'd been forced to make the best out of several poor choices available to her. Apparently, the people in charge of the cafeteria menu believed in the school's maxim of "A healthy mind, a healthy body, and a healthy spirit for a healthy future.". The food that was available for the daily meals that were covered by the school tuition consisted mainly of vegetables. Vegetables, and some sort of meat that was barely recognizable as such. She hated vegetables, and wasn't sure if she dared try the meat which she was almost certain was at least half soy byproduct.

Now, she understood why civilian children complained about school lunches. If she wanted something else however, not only would she have to sneak out, she would have to pay out of pocket from her severely depleted emergency funds as well.

Classes that morning had been trying even without the teachers constantly calling her out for not paying attention, and she couldn't wait for this mission to be over so things could get back to normal, she could become a boy again, and she could get back on the road with Jiraiya which was better than being here by far. She knew that knowing how to convincingly disguise herself as someone else was an integral ninja skill that she was somewhat deficient in, but she wished she could have started off with a different role, one that wasn't female. She had no idea how to act like a girl, and based on some of the looks she'd gotten from some of her classmates, she'd already made some sort of mistake.

"Is that...? I don't believe it! It is!" a voice exclaimed behind her.

She whirled to face the source of the voice and found three girls who were around her actual age standing behind her. Technically, she'd known they were there, since she wasn't that oblivious, but who the three were surprised the hell out of her. Standing behind her, holding their own lunch trays were Ami, Fuki, and Kusumi who had been in her class at the Academy. They, like most of the rest of her class, had passed the first Genin test but, had failed their final teamwork exam afterward. Unlike most kids who would have gone back to be retrained as members of the general forces rather than as potential elites and launched a mediocre career with little if any prospects of making it past Chunin, these three had washed out of the Ninja program entirely.

Standing there before her, the three girls were grouped together like they always had been at the Academy. Rather than being in the clothes he'd been used to seeing them in day in and day out at the Academy however, they were wearing school uniforms. That was to be expected though, considering where they were, but still surprising to her because he wasn't used to seeing them in such attire.

"What are _you_ doing here?" Kasumi asked somewhat snidely, looking as if she'd just love to catch him out in a prank and get him into trouble like she used to do back at the Academy before Iruka had taken over their class.

The girl's auburn hair was as frizzy as ever, but the hair ornament that looked like it had been made out of a shuriken was absent. Either, the girl had gotten better at arming herself discreetly or - more likely - considering the fact that she'd been a middle of the pack student and a Sasuke fangirl, she had gotten rid of all of her weapons after dropping out of the ninja program altogether. The school uniform she was wearing looked worse on her than the purple dress with the standard mesh undershirt had.

"I'm here on a mission." she grumbled, silently vowing once more to make the person who had chosen her for this mess pay.

The girls looked shocked and incredulous for a moment before Ami started giggling. The next thing she knew, the three girls were surrounding her, and Fuki was doing the handseals for a low level Genjutsu.

"What do you want?" she asked nervously. If they were putting up a Genjutsu that redirects people's attention, that meant that they didn't want witnesses, which meant trouble.

"We haven't gotten any news from home since we got here." Fuki said. "We heard there was an invasion, but haven't heard anything from what we consider to be a reliable source about what happened."

She sighed before starting to tell the girls about what had happened back in Konoha since they'd left the Academy. She stuck to stuff that was pretty much public knowledge back home though. She knew that she was stupid, but she wasn't that stupid. She'd mastered the art of talking without saying anything long ago as a defense mechanism. It had only been recently that Jiraiya had pointed out its usefulness to her Ninja career, and she used it to a degree now in order to keep the girls form realizing that there were things she knew that she wasn't saying in case any information she gave out fell into the wrong hands.

* * *

In a room at an inn that was close to the school he would soon be attending, Deidara scowled as he applied the lip-liner which was of a relatively demure shade that didn't look like it belonged on a hooker. He wished he didn't know how to do this, but he'd been forced to disguise himself as a girl before, and there were times where a Henge or a Genjutsu wouldn't cut it. Without the change in hairstyle and the make-up that was part of the disguise, he looked like the adolescent male he was but, he fortunately had the sort of figure and face that would allow him to convincingly disguise himself as a female if he had to.

Right now, though he'd hate to admit it, he had to.

Eventually, the make-up and dressing job was done, and where there had been an adolescent male a couple hours earlier, there was a reasonably attractive and reasonably but not too well endowed female. One of the things that could destroy a disguise such as this one would be putting a little too much in the chest area, and that was the sort of amateur mistake he'd been careful not to make since the beginning, since running around with a rack like the new Hokage's would be asking for trouble, even if he weren't caught.

As soon as he was satisfied, well, as satisfied as he could be on this sucky mission which was certain to be one frustration after another since he couldn't do more than look unless he wanted to give himself away and fail the mission, he turned and left the room he had rented, picking his bag up on the way out. Less than an hour later, he was at the school, and after being given a tour of the facilities, he was led to the dorms since classes for the day were over. Until the lady who'd given him the two ryo tour of the campus had shown him where he would be sleeping, he'd had a somewhat nebulous idea of exactly where that would've been, since it had been arranged by his client that he would be sharing a room with the daughter. He'd apparently placed it within three rooms however, which was something he could give himself a pat on the back for later.

"I'm sorry about the sleeping arrangements, but you registered so late, and we weren't given much time to prepare for your and your sister's arrival. I'm sure that you should be able to sort things out between the both of you." the woman who supervised the dorms said as she guided Deidara to his new room where there wasn't room for a third bed, but just enough room to set out a small futon in a space where the person who was sleeping on it would be tripped over if someone got up in the middle of the night to use the toilet.

Being the gallant ninja who might have a chance with the Kunoichi he was supposed to be working with as soon as the mission was over if he could spin things just right, he of course would be taking the futon.

As he was putting the things he had brought with him away, the client's daughter entered the room followed by his "twin sister". The girl who only resembled him because of his coloring and the careful make-up job he'd done paused just inside the doorway, and her eyes narrowed suspiciously. She opened her mouth to say something, but he quickly checked her with an International Standard recognition signal that was used when ninja from different countries were forced to work together on a mission or on the battlefield during times of war to stop her from saying something that ruined the mission before it even began.

"Hi sis, I'm glad to see you, it's been awhile." he said as he moved to hug his "sister" and do a quick check to see if she were amenable to a little something more later on by surreptitiously brushing his hand across an area that a sister wouldn't normally touch unless it was by accident.

Based on his "sister's" reaction to that little touch, she wasn't up for any play after the mission, but looking wouldn't hurt.

Based on how she'd reacted to his presence as a whole, his partner on this mission had not been told that she wasn't the only ninja hired for the job when she'd been given the assignment, and hadn't been told he'd be coming, which would mean trouble, especially given the nature of the mission, and the fact that any ninja worth their salt would be able to spot the fact that he was male pretty quickly. Based on how suspicious the hot Kunoichi looked, and the fact that she'd only barely restrained herself from attacking him when he'd moved in for a hug to sell the whole sisters thing to their client's daughter and anyone else who may have been watching, he'd have to talk fast in order to convince her that they'd both been hired for the job before he was forced to defend himself.

This mission sucked.

"Let's go somewhere and catch up un." he said, as he led his new co-worker outside for their "discussion".

**Edited 4/28/13.**


	4. The Curse Strikes Again

Naruko and the guy who was trying to claim to be hi-her partner on what was supposed to be a solo mission easily hopped over the wall that surrounded the school property as they headed over to somewhere quiet to have their "discussion". Having their little chat anywhere on the school grounds would surely cause massive property destruction that he'd be stuck paying for, and he didn't have nearly enough to cover damage on the sort of scale that she alone could cause. As soon as they were well enough away from the school, and in a rather nice clearing that would most likely not be anywhere near as nice after the "conversation" with the ninja in drag was over, she summoned twenty shadow clones and prepared to fight.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, chill out!" her opponent said, holding up his gloved hands in the universal gesture for "Please don't attack me, I'm not in the mood to fight/be slaughtered".

"Why should I?" she asked as her clones moved into more advantageous positions around her opponent.

"Because your goddamn client is an ass with more cash than brains who went behind your weak Leaf nin ass and hired some better firepower, un." his opponent replied.

"Why should I believe you?" she asked, refraining from attacking for the moment just in case the drag ninja was telling the truth.

Her opponent pulled a scroll out of a hidden pocket on his uniform and threw it at her. One of the clones caught it in case the damn thing turned out to be booby trapped.

It wasn't.

Worse though, it was all in Kanji. She hated Kanji, and could barely read the damn thing. Really all she could make out aside from the odd word here and there was her client's signature, and that was about it. People who had seen the true extent of her literacy skills had wondered how the hell she had learned the Tajuu Kage Bunshin from the Forbidden Scroll. The truth was, there had been a bunch of helpful pictures and diagrams in the entry for that technique, almost as if someone had wanted her to learn the one technique that was suited for her, and her alone.

"This sucks Dattebayo." she said as she handed the scroll back to her new co-worker who she knew for a fact wasn't from Konoha.

"So, who are you?" she asked as she stood the clones down, not entirely willing to trust her co-worker but willing to work with her new teammate since she obviously had to.

* * *

"Um, my name is Yanagi Ichiro and I'm from Kiri, un." Deidara said as he tried to figure out what the hell he was supposed to be doing with the letter of introduction that his client had written his partner since he hadn't expected it to have been handed back. Apparently, since his temporary partner and he weren't fighting, she hadn't recognized him for who he really was, as most ninja would have attacked him irregardless of the fact that they were supposed to be working together due to his missing-nin status.

The large number of shadow clones that his partner had up and running without looking as if she were putting much effort into them was ringing an alarm bell in his mind, but he couldn't figure out why. He knew that it should be familiar, but he didn't know why it should be familiar, and why he had the feeling that he should be doing something about it. Shrugging that thought aside for later, since his temporary partner wasn't registering as an immediate threat, he waited to see whether or not she had bought his story. Based on the fact that she was rather stupidly not questioning it, it was quite possible that she had.

Great. Just what he needed. A sucky mission with a partner who, if he hadn't seen the shadow clones, he would be willing to swear had only become a ninja through her merits in the bedroom.

"We should probably be heading back since it's close to curfew, un." he said as he moved back towards the school where their client's daughter was currently sitting unguarded, which was beyond unprofessional, as it appeared that the possible conflict had ended before it had begun. A pity, since he had wanted to pound someone in the dirt because of this sucky mission he'd been stuck on, and it may as well be the ditzy blonde in front of him. He liked his girls to have at least some modicum of intelligence, something that this blonde seemed to be entirely without.

"Okay Ichiro-san." the blonde ditz said as she dispelled the shadow clones and moved to follow him.

"You're supposed to call me Narumi, un." he replied over his shoulder as he continued towards the school.

"Okay Narumi-san." the girl who seemed as intelligent as the wall that surrounded the school replied.

"Drop the honorific, we're supposed to be sisters, un." he said as they hopped over the wall that was supposed to keep the girls in and everyone else out.

"How are we supposed to do that-ttebayo?" his new "sister" asked.

"Don't look at me, un." he replied.

"Well don't look at me either -ttebayo! I never had a family." his parner replied.

He'd say he felt sorry for her, but he really didn't. He'd lost his family during the Third Shinobi World War, and grown up without a family of his own as well.

"This sucks, un." he muttered under his breath as he made his way back to the dormitories with his partner trailing behind him like a lost puppy or something.

"Well, hopefully this one won't be as bad as all my other C-Ranks." his partner said, apparently having heard him.

"What usually goes wrong with your C-Ranks, un?" he asked, wondering if the attractive screw-up behind him had been the reason he'd been placed on this mission from hell. If that was the case, he was going to kill her.

"They usually turn out to actually be an A or a B." his partner replied matter-of-factly.

He paused and blinked, certain that he'd misheard her.

"Excuse me, un?" he said as the turned to look at his partner, "But I think you just said..."

"Ero-senin swears that I'm cursed or something." his partner said. "My first C-Rank turned out to be an A. The time I took the Chunin Exams, we got invaded. And then, on another C-Rank where my team was supposed to be protecting a runner, we ended up facing down an A-Ranked missing-nin who'd stolen the Nidaime's sword..."

As he stood there listening to the litany of evidence that pointed towards the fact that the Kunoichi that was standing in front of him was indeed cursed, a feeling of dread overtook him. This was going to be much worse than he thought...

"...And, as long as the Akatsuki don't find us, we'll be fine." his partner finished.

He blinked. He blinked again. He groaned. He then walked over to the nearest wall and started slamming his head against it.


	5. Fun, Fun, Fun Not

Naruko stared as hi- her new partner repeatedly slammed his head into a wall. This wasn't the first time soneone did that in her presence because of something she'd said or did, not by a long shot, but the frustrated half-screams and the incoherent muttering usually followed either a particularly ingenious prank, or a spectacularly dumb move on her part. As far as she was concerned, she had done neither.

"What's wrong, uh...Narumi?" she asked, putting her hand on the shoulder of the (possible) Kiri-nin who flinched slightly at her touch, moved his shoulder out of her reach, and shifted to a position that was better for fighting.

She wasn't too sure about the drag ninja's story about who he was and where he was from, seeing as he didn't smell a thing like Zabuza and his companions who'd practically had the ocean air embedded in their skins due to a lifetime of living near, on, and around the sea. In fact, it kinda smelled like his new partner had spent half his life rolling around in some rather clayey dirt. That ruled out Konoha, both because he'd never seen this boy who looked to be a couple years older than him before, and because Konoha's soil didn't have all that much clay in it, being predominantly rock with a layer of rich dark soil thrown on top. It also ruled out Suna, seeing as the soil was predominantly rock and sand in Suna and for about a hundred miles surrounding it.

She wasn't going to make a big issue out of her doubts about her partner though, since she had to work with him. About the only reason her partner would have to be cagey about his origins was because he was sure that they could cause an issue that could destroy team cohesion, which of course could in turn cause them to fail their mission, which would be a very **BAD** thing. After the mission however, it was likely that all bets would be off, and they would go back to being whatever they were to each-other, be it a ninja still loyal to his village and a missing-nin, or just plain enemies. For now however, they were teammates, and that was all that mattered.

"Uzumaki Naruto?" "Narumi" asked, looking at her as if he couldn't quite believe it, and quite frankly didn't want to believe it.

"Not while we're here." Naruko whispered as quietly as she could, which meant that it was somewhere just slightly above a normal person's speaking voice.

Damn hi- her loud and boisterous nature which she just couldn't shut off unless she was particularly depressed or grievously injured or both.

There was a groan at her reply, and the drag ninja started to look sick.

* * *

_How the hell can __**that **__be a boy?!_ Deidara thought as he stared at the sumptuous and curvaceous figure of his partner who was no longer anywhere near as attractive to him as she- he dammit, had been moments before.

Damn his hormones. If he hadn't been such a horny teenager who'd been focused on maybe getting laid, he would've been able to put the pieces together earlier. He'd been given intel on all of the Jinchuriki when he'd joined the Akatsuki after all. The container of the Ichibi had been a raving lunatic until someone in Konoha had knocked his head straight, the Nibi's was actually a chick and a hot one at that, the Sanbi had been running loose since the Mizukage had died and so on and so forth until you got to the loudmouth Naruto who despite his reputation for being a talentless idiot with more power than sense could apparently do such a perfect Henge that he hadn't spotted it until it was far too late and he'd already...

Oh gods, he'd felt up another boy, and not just another boy, one that was younger than him and only a Genin. They had words for that kind of thing, and none of them were anything approaching complimentary. If anyone ever heard about this...

It was bad enough that he'd had to go in drag becaus there was a distinct lack of teenaged females in the Akatsuki, but to have felt up one of his targets, one of his male targets, and to have entertained thoughts of what they could've done once the mission was over...

He was in hell.

If there was any way out of this, he would take it even if it meant turning all of the Biju into the mythical Jyuubi and using it to remake the world in some manner that involved the moon for instance.

Pfft. Like that would ever happen.

He would just have to get this mission done and over with, and forget it ever happened afterward. After he'd given Naruto's location to the rest of the Akatsuki following the completion of the mission that was.

Reining in his horror and disgust, though the only thing he wanted to do right now was blow something up, quite likely his partner on this mission from hell, he turned to his current partner.

"We should probably get to bed dear sister, we've got a big day tomorrow. By the way, you're taking the floor." he said in a saccharine tone of voice.

"Why do I have to take the floor?" the Uzumaki brat whined.

"One, I'm older than you. Two, I'm an S-Class...Uh, I'm older than you." he replied, a dangerous glint entering his eyes as he removed one of his gloves and started reaching for a pouch that wasn't there.

"Alright. Fine." the Uzumaki grumbled as he turned and rather stupidly moved on ahead of him, not caring that his back was to a potential enemy.

How the hell such an idiot could create a perfect henge, he didn't know, and he kept wondering as he noted the almost perfectly feminine walk that his temporary partner had with clinical interest, being careful to keep his eyes off of the perfectly pert behind that was lurking beneath the school uniform the other boy was wearing.

Gods damn it, why? He meets the very definition of feminine perfection and it just had to turn out to be a boy in disguise...

* * *

Naruko grumbled and rolled over as she tried to get back to sleep. Taking the floor sucked, but she wasn't quite sure if she dared to even try to take the bed that should have been hers in case her new "partner" really was S-Class. Odds are that if that were true, they'd destroy the entire school in their struggle over who got the bed, and the point would be moot since their mission would have failed, and he would have brought shame upon Konoha.

The thing was, there was a draft coming in from beneath the door that led into the hall, and his client's daughter had stepped on his legs twice, once on her way out to the toilet, and once on her way back to bed. Not only that, but his partner who'd shadowed their client to the bathroom had deliberately stepped on his midsection both times as he followed Kimiko there and back. He'd been tempted to follow as well, but doing so would be overkill, and besides, Kimiko and his new partner hadn't been gone long enough for anything to have happened. Had they stayed out any longer though, he would've gone looking, since there was something distinctly untrustworthy about the bastard he'd been teamed up with.

From the way things seemed to be headed, and how his teammate had treated him so far, this was going to be just like another one of those missions where Sasuke was in a pissy mood for some reason or another.

Fun.


End file.
